New Year, New Me

Hey guys! It's been a long while since I've written. To be honest, I totally forgot I even had a blog! So anyways, I guess the first thing that is in order is to give an update on my life. Well, I just finished my first semester of college, and boy was it challenging!! My classes were: The Story of Jesus, General Chemistry I, Music Appreciation, College Algebra, Band, General Chemistry Lab, and my english class. I think my favorite class was a tie between band and my Bible class. It was the two classes that I gave my full attention in and really enjoyed the class and got a lot out of it. It was great. I'm not looking forward to this upcoming semester of college. My classes are a lot harder because I'm not only taking my general education classes, but I'm starting to take classes for my major, which I changed from Biology-premed, to Nursing, and I am still pursuing my music minor in the process. Also, I plan on attending TSOM (Tennessee School of Ministry) next year, so that will be a real load of work! But I think I am fully capable of doing it if I put my mind to it!!

So now that you know all about my college life, I'll give you a peek inside of my personal life. I am still trying to come to the fact that my mom is gone-forever. It's really hard when I think about it and know that nothing I do here on earth will bring her back. I really miss her- more than anyone knows.

I am currently single- and loving it. I love not being attached to anyone, and just sort of doing my own thing. It's great. I don't plan on dating for a while.

The only good thing that has come out of my mom passing is the fact that I am a lot closer to my cousin Robbie. When my mom was alive, I never really had the opportunity to get to know her. I'm really glad that we are as close as we are. She is like my big sister and I love it! She took me shopping for my prom dress last year and when she comes and visits on the holidays, we always have fun. I even got to visit her in Texas, and that was definitely an adventure!!! =) Gotta love her!!

So anyways, I promise, I had a purpose for writing this blog. I wanted to make my New Year's Goals. I make them every year and never keep them. But as the start of a new decade, I really think I will stick with these this year:

1. Get healthy- This includes eating right, exercising, and all that jazz.

2. Read my Bible everyday- no matter what.

3. Pray everyday- no matter what.

4. Limit my facebook time to 2 hours a day.

5. Visit with my grandparents more often and talk to them about what's going on in my life.

6. Forgive and ask forgiveness everyone that has hurt me in the past.

7. Make school one of my top priorities.

8. Get a job.

9. Pay off my debt.

10. Make my mom proud of me, no matter what it takes.

I know this looks like one big, impossible list, but I figured that if I worked on one or two things at a time, then everything will work out!! I really hope so. I really just want to be genuinely happy. I haven't been that kind of happy in so long. For so long I've had to put this pretend laugh and this pretend smile for everyone, and I am tired of it. I was to be happy. Really happy. And that is my ultimate goal for this year!

Well, I guess that's enough rambling for today. Hopefully I can write back soon and tell you how this has been going. See ya!

A New Beginning...

Well high school has come to an end...and so has summer, which means that it's time to start college. Wow! I can't even believe it myself!!! Haha but anyways, I am attending Lipscomb University in just a few short days to study PreMedical Studies. Yep, that's right, I'm gonna be a doctor!!! I have come over a plethora of emotions these past few weeks, just because I am realizing that I am about to leave my comfort zone of Hendersonville and Portland, and venture off into a whole new world. I know I won't be too for from home, but I won't be about to see my family and friends everday like I have for the past 4 years or so. I have actually gotten to the point to where I am excited about the whole dorm room thing and meeting new people, but not so much about the classes I am taking! They are so hard!!!!! But I know with God on my side, everything will work out!!!! Well that's pretty much it for today!!!!

The end of a storm...

Ya know how there is always a rainbow after the rain? Well that's been on my mind lately. Like, sometimes I will look outside and it will be raining like the sky is falling out, and 10 minutes later, it'll look like nothing even happened. The sun will be shining, and the birds will be out to play. In my opinion, it's just plain wierd.

But as I think about the rain, and the rainbow, I think about my life-and that's how it works. Like things will go really bad and all I can think about is how bad my life is and "why me". But before I know it, God blesses me with something amazing that I could never even fathom, and I think to myself, "was what I went through really so bad?" Of course not. Now I know, and really understand, that there really is a gift waiting for you after every trial and tribulation you go through. And for me, that gift was college. I know that may not sound like a gift at all, but for me it is. I have been waiting 13 years to go to college, and I know my mom wouldn't want it any other way. I've always loved learning, and college is just another step in my life that I can learn about the things that I want to do when I am older. I want to be a medical missionary to Ecuador, with a focus in women. I want to help the Ecuadorian women in any way I can- from delivering their babies to giving them the emotional support they might need. All in all, I just want to help.

This subject has been on my mind a lot, especially in the last couple of months. So that's my thought for the day!

Randomness

Hey guys!! So I have realized...again...that I am really bad about this whole blogging thing. I just do it when I am feeling really stressed out, or if I'm in a really good mood! Well, tonight, I am in a really good mood!
Me and Tyler are back together...again...yay! And I absolutely adore him! He is so wonderful! He was there for me when I thought I had no one to turn to! But yeah, he's amazing! I am so lucky to have such a great guy: in my life.
Mother's Day was on Sunday, and I have to admit, it was really hard, but somehow I managed to get through it. We also had the Baccalureate service at First Baptist that same day. That was also interesting. It was awesome to see Mr.Shelton again for the first time in a good while. His speech was pretty awesome!
So that's all that has happened to me since the last time I wrote! I'll write more another day!

You are the Wind Beneath My Wings...

Hey guys! So I know I haven't posted anything in a long while, so I think it's time to get you updated!
So let's see...I'll start at February.
Alright. So my mom was sick her whole life, and on February 13, three days before my 18th birthday, she lost her battle with her sickness. I have to admit, it is the hardest thing to deal with. My dad left us when I was young, and all I had was my mom. And now she is gone, and I am realizing how much God is like a father to me. He was there at my mom's funeral, holding me close. If I didn't have that relationship with Him, I probably would have lost myself. I know now that it is because of God that I am able to talk about my mother's death. I'm still very emotional, but I realize that the sadness won't go away anytime soon. In fact, it may never go away, but I know I will be able to deal with it. I've also had the best support system anyone could ever ask for. Everyone had been so caring and so generous to me and my family, and I just can't thank them enough-especially my mom's best friend, Brittany. I honestly don't know what I would do without her. She has helped me deal with so much these last few months and I will be eternall grateful.
Now, on to March...Hmmm...Nothing really out of the ordinary happened, other than the fact that I got my nose pierced. It was just like any month. My mom's birthday was on the 21st and we celebrated. My family went to her grave, but I just can't bring myself to go. It's too hard right now. And that brings us to April...we are getting ready for Fine Arts and prom as I speak. It is so stressful! But I know that we will do really good! I just can't wait until it's over!!!

Well, that's the update!!! Hopefully I will keep up with this!!